How It's Going

It's going well! I'm so happy! :) We have tried several times to potty train, unsuccessfully, but this time, I think Z is finally ready! Today is Day #8 of training, and we have not had any accidents for several days - I am so thankful!

I was dreading potty training, picturing myself following Z around with the mop all day long, cleaning up accident after accident, for weeks on end. But thankfully it has gone so much better than that! So I'll share (so far) what's worked for us, and then we'll talk about the struggles we're still having...because we're not anywhere near 'there' yet.

We started last Wednesday, putting Zachary in big-boy underwear when he got up, setting a timer for every 10 minutes, and checking at each 10 minutes to see if he was clean and dry. If he was, he would get an m&m. Every other time I checked (so, every 20 minutes), we did the m&m thing, then I set the timer for 2 or 3 minutes, and had him sit on the potty. If he went #1, he got a Teddy Graham, and if he went #2, he got a Golden Oreo. (We had gone to the store together the day before to pick out his special treats together, so they were his choice.) The first couple of days were completely exhausting, checking the timer & resetting it, and going into the bathroom every 20 minutes, just a constant interruption to our schedule...but it was worth it. We had about 3 accidents in the first two days, but he really did very well! By the end of the 2nd day, he was saying without my asking, "I have to go potty!", running in the bathroom by himself, and going #1. I was so pleased!

Since then, we have not had any accidents at home when he's been in his underwear, except for one time. We aren't using the timer anymore, but I try to keep my eye on him & if it's been about 30-40 minutes, I have him go 'try' and that usually works. Lots of times he'll say he has to go & then go on his own. So I am very proud & pleased with how it's going! We use a pull-up at naptime, and a diaper at bedtime, just so he doesn't have to worry about it at sleeping times (and so I don't have to worry about changing sheets either).

So, here are the next steps we need to take: we need to conquer the big #2. We have only had one half-success with this so far, on the first day, I think. Since then, he has only gone #2 at nap or bedtime or when we were out & had a pull-up on him. I have tried making him sit for a long time when I knew he was getting close to ready, but it just hasn't worked. He is scared to go #2 in the potty, i think. So I guess we'll just keep trying & wait till he's ready for that.

We also need to conquer a nervousness about public potties. He has not used a public potty yet. So far, I've let him wear a pull-up everywhere we've gone in public, but I think he would do better with underwear instead, since being wet in undies is more bothersome than a wet pull-up, so we may try that on our library trip tomorrow. And I may have a story about shampooing the library's children's room carpet. But maybe I wont. :) I guess we'll see! :) Overall, I am very thankful for how we're coming, considering our previous attempts were measured in hours and accidents (and those numbers were always about the same...) :) Thanks to all who have given advice & encouragement as we have started this process! Any more advice is always appreciated! :)

As far as everything else in life is going...well, Natalie is 17 months old now, and Zachary will be 3 1/2 on Sunday. So time is flying by! We are enjoying the nice weather, and getting outside as much as we can. Natalie is definitely starting to enter the stage of toddlerhood that requires some discipline & she is starting to willfully disobey lately, and throwing a few more tantrums than she was previously, so that is becoming interesting - balancing discipline between 2 kids! But this stage is so much fun, and although Natalie still isn't talking much (at what point should I be concerned? is 5-8 words at 17 months normal?) she understands a LOT of things that surprise me sometimes. :) The other day I was trying to get her to SAY "All done" with her words, and she kept signing it instead (she throws her arms out wide to the sides to sign all done). I said, "Natalie, say 'all done' with your mouth." Frustrated, she stuck her hand in her mouth for a second, pulled it out, and threw her arms out to the sides, signing all done! I had to laugh! :) And of course the speech lesson was over. :)

Staff training (which begins our busy summer camp season) starts in less than three weeks, so Hubby is busy trying to prepare for that! And our littlest guy is due in less than 8 weeks (though who knows when he'll actually make his appearance)! It is getting SO close!!! I feel like I should have his room a little closer to ready, but that means moving Natalie into the room she'll share with Z...and I'm not nearly ready for that transition yet - let's get potty training & the transition to the summer camp season under our belts first!! :) Little Guy is healthy, always with a high heartbeat at my appointments, and more active in the womb than either of my other two were - body parts always sticking out all over & my belly bouncing like you wouldn't believe (I love it!). :) My hips are a little sore but I'm not too overly uncomfortable yet, so I'm thankful for that. :)

Well, just a quick update to let you know how we're doing! Hope everyone is doing great & enjoying nicer weather as the summer is here (or at least close!). :)

Opportunity Yells?

I have shared before, on this blog, and with many of my 'real life' friends how I am much more easily frustrated and impatient as a mother than I ever thought I would be. This is something that I have really struggled with, especially lately. At a Bible study that I attend along with some ladies from our church, we are going through a book called Becoming a Woman of Excellence. It is a great book, and is definitely spurring me on to a more excellent life in Christ!

Anyhow, last week, there was a quote in our chapter that was even more convicting than usual. The author was discussing the importance of discretion and of being 'slow to anger', and she included a quote from Jerry Bridges that said (in discussing the parable of the Unmerciful Servant, found in Matthew 18:21-35) "We are like the unmerciful servant when we lose our patience under provocation. We ignore God's extreme patience with us. We discipline our children out of anger, while God disciplines us out of love. We are eager to punish the person who provokes us, while God is eager to forgive. This kind of patience does not ignore the provocations of others; it simply seeks to respond to them in a godly manner."

So, during our small group prayer time, I asked my prayer partners to specifically pray for me this week as I discipline and care for my children, that I would respond to them in a godly manner, and not in an angry, selfish way as I have too often. Throughout the week, I have been specifically praying that God would give me wisdom in each situation, and help me to see each annoying, frustrating, disobedient action as an opportunity instead of an annoyance or an interruption.

And He has really done that! Just this morning, Zachary had been happily using a wipe-off marker to write on a wipe-off book at the dining room table for several minutes while I cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, when he chose to climb down and draw instead on the seat of my dining room chair (which is covered in cream colored fabric). In case you were wondering, nope, wipe-off markers do NOT wipe off of fabric. Or wash out. Ever. As you can imagine, I was not very happy.

I immediately sent him to sit on his bed and set a timer for 3 minutes, to give me time to calm down & him time to think about what he had done. When the timer went off, he came out, and I gave him a wet washcloth and we worked together, wiping at the black stains on the chair seat. Of course, it did no good, and I explained that this kind of marker will not ever come off of this chair seat. God led me to take a minute to sit with Z on the hearth and discuss the way that our daily words and actions are like the black marks on the chair - they can never be taken back, and we can't do anything on our own to cleanse ourselves from the sinful actions and words that we do!

It turned out to become a great object lesson, and a truly teachable moment, when it could have so easily been just yet another instance when I had lost my patience and responded in anger. God has also led my husband and I to view Zachary's frustrated responses - he often yells or screams out in anger when something doesn't go his way or something he's trying to do isn't working for him - as opportunities to discuss the fruit of the Spirit that is called self-control. I believe that as young toddlers, children use tantrums to express their emotions, and before children are verbal, crying and even yelling are the only ways they have to express their needs and feelings. Natalie, for example, often cries or tantrums when she's hungry - she is 14 months old and doesn't know any better. However, at age 3, Zachary is very verbal! He is ready to begin choosing to control his actions and respond in more constructive ways when he is frustrated, such as asking for help or expressing his feelings with calm words.

One of the discipline situations that frustrates me the most is when Z is unkind to his little sister. My children truly love each other, and typically play together very well, but when Z pushes or hurts little Natalie, it makes me so sad! This afternoon, Z was frustrated with Natalie because he was attempting to build a block tower and Natalie kept knocking it down (and then laughing, she thought it was hilarious). Zachary got angry & pushed Natalie down. After comforting her, I had Z come sit on my lap, and we discussed the concept of 'What is more important to God? Building a big block tower, or choosing to be kind to your sister?' I wasn't sure if he really understood, but the next time he built a tower, he cheerfully allowed her to knock it down, so that's something. :)

I am not sharing this so that my friends will pat me on the back and say, "Wow, great job! Way to go not yelling at your kids!". I share the ways that God is working in my life so that others who may be struggling with the same things can see that God can help - and maybe this can be a reminder for someone else that those daily discipline frustrations really are meant to be opportunities and learning experiences for both us and our children! I also share in order to keep myself accountable - I don't want this to be the only week that I see God working in me and helping me control my responses to my children! I didn't say I did a good job all week, either...there is still plenty of opportunity for growth, believe me! :)

How have any of you dealt with similar situations in your parenting careers? Do you have similar success stories to share? Or any encouragement would be appreciated! :)

Road Trip!

How to survive an 11-hour road trip with a two-year-old and a nine-month-old nursing baby and even have fun along the way:

I have no idea.

Ha ha - just kidding! :) No, I actually did just drive across the country a few days ago with my son (2) and daughter (9 months) - an 11-hour drive which turned into 16 hours (each way)! Your first question is probably, "Are you insane?" to which I would answer, "Maybe." But let me tell you WHY I drove to Iowa! My grandpa celebrated his 90th birthday last week! 90 years, wow! That means he was born in 1920 - isn't that just crazy to think about? And, as my uncle said, "I can't think of any present that he and Grandma would like more than to see their great-grandchildren." And seeing the look on Grandma and Grandpa's faces as Zachary (and then Natalie and I) walked into the room was priceless. And totally worth the craziness of the road trip!

(Zachary is behind the camera in the last picture). :)

On this 11-hour trip which took 16 hours, I learned that in the future I could probably stay patient with my kids for about a 9-hour drive. :) I did lose my patience at about nightfall both days - I just turned the music up, and drove the rest of the way, ignoring any noises that may have been coming from the backseat! :) But we made it, and the time with family and friends in Iowa was wonderful! We drove out on a Thursday, and stopped in Illinois at my hubby's aunt's house, where we have an annual 'Girls Weekend' with the ladies on Hubby's mom's side of the family - it was a wonderful, relaxing time of shopping & talking, and I was so encouraged by chatting with other young moms who are having the SAME struggles with discipline & parenting that I am - isn't it always such a blessing to know others have the same struggles as you???

Then on Saturday the kids and I drove a (relatively) quick 3 hours (which took 4, of course), up to my grandparents' apartment building, where we surprised them and my sister - I heard her voice first, exclaiming, "Are you kidding me?" from inside the apartment as Zachary walked in with my dad (who was in on it)! :) After the kids went to bed, we two sisters stayed up late chatting, which we don't often get to do anymore, so that was awesome, too! My grandparents were excited and very pleased and surprised, and they had a great time with the kids, as did my aunt & uncle & cousin from Kansas (all pictured above)!

On Sunday afternoon, we drove to my parents house (in another part of Iowa), where we stayed until Wednesday morning, when we took off early for home. Natalie was teething and didn't sleep well, and on Monday, I was just so tired from traveling and being up with her that I did not think I was going to be able to do the big road trip home - I was planning on coming home Tuesday, and I just knew I couldn't handle it, so I called my hubby & we talked about different options, but then Monday night I got a full night of sleep, and on Tuesday I felt much better and spent an extra day relaxing with my kids & my parents, and then we came home all the way on Wednesday.

Whew! It was quite the trip! It's especially crazy that I did this by myself with the kids, considering that I don't even like to go grocery shopping with the kids - our trips to town consistently end in tears (sometimes it's not just me crying, either!) So how did I do this?

First, I didn't go alone. "What? Were you lying to us earlier?", you might be asking. No, I was the only adult in the car, but I wasn't alone - I spent a lot of time before and during the trip praying over our trip, asking God to renew my patience (and even asking for His forgiveness a couple of times....). So no matter where you go, don't go alone!!!

Second, I planned ahead. I had a big bag full of individually baggied snacks handy next to me in the front seat, so whenever Zachary got hungry I could hand him a snack baggie. (snacks are your friend when you're traveling - I bought things I don't usually buy like the frosted animal crackers & Teddy Grahams & fruit snacks for special treats) I also had several sippy cups full of water, since he tends to drop or throw them, and then be thirsty a half hour later. :) We put Zachary's car seat in the middle seat in the back, and Natalie's behind the driver's seat. That way I could easily hand things to Zachary while driving. I had a separate bag full of toys that Natalie loves, so that if she started crying, I could hand a toy to Zachary and have him hand it to her. This worked pretty well, he was usually willing to hand the toys to her after a reasonable amount of time playing with it himself. :)

Third, we used a car DVD player! This was awesome - we watched a KidSongs video from the library about animals NINE times on the drive out - I pretty much have the words to "Jeepers Creepers" memorized now, thank you! :) KidSongs DVDs play over and over, which is really nice when you're traveling & can't press 'play' every time the 30-minute video ends - we'll definitely be renting these again (or buying some if we see them)! ;)

Fourth, if you have a non-walker (or a little walker who likes to get into everything), wear them! I wore my stretchy wrap all day in the car, and popped Natalie in it when we stopped to use the bathroom & get food - that way she didn't have to sit on any nasty bathroom floors or anything!

Fifth, if you'll be nursing on your trip, try to find a nice area for your toddler to play while you feed your baby instead of sitting in the car - those travel plazas/rest stops often have picnic areas, sometimes even little playgrounds where your toddler can run & climb on the picnic tables/chairs while your baby eats - this worked well for us, and God provided a nice (or nice enough) place each and every time Natalie had to eat.

Sixth, getting out of the car for meals may take longer, but it will give the kids a nice break from their car seats - we ate lunch & dinner each day in travel plazas or restaurants & the kids enjoyed it - we even stopped at a PlayPlace and let the kids run/crawl at suppertime around on the way out, which was fun but it did take a LOT of time, even though I let Z run around the whole time and then eat in the car after we left.

Finally, just plan to take forever. If you have a deadline that you HAVE to be there by, leave a couple of hours earlier than you think you'll need to, otherwise you will just get frustrated - I discovered that to get the kids out of their carseats, go to the bathroom, buy food, and get the kids buckled back in, food passed out, and a DVD started took me THIRTY minutes!!!! And a lunch stop where we got out of the car, changed diapers, used the bathroom (usually twice), ate lunch, and got the kids back in the car, took an hour! So, just plan to take a really really long time, and you'll be less frustrated with the fact that traveling with kids takes forever! :)

Although this wasn't an experience that I would readily repeat for little or no reason, I learned that with God's help, I can take even a long road trip with my kids! After getting home, I told my hubby's mom that trips to the grocery store didn't seem so daunting any more. Then I took the kids to the grocery store & we all ended up in tears again, so there goes that theory. :) But it really does SEEM less daunting, anyway. :)

Fall Is In the Air?

Can it really be fall already?

I know it's the middle of September (!). I live in western NY state, and our leaves start changing colors and dropping off in August. My porch has leaves all over it. It has been cool and rainy most of this week and last week). The signs are all there, but somehow I just refuse to be reconciled to the fact that it's fall. I read on Facebook that someone was getting out their fall decorations, and I thought, "No. I can't. Way too early." but then I realized it isn't.

It seems to have come too early this year. Z asks if he can wade in the creek and I want to say yes, but instead I have to say, "No, it's too rainy/cold today. You're wearing tennis shoes and socks. And a sweatshirt. Maybe it will be warmer tomorrow." But soon I will not be able to say that, and I will have to say, "next spring..."

And we never rode on a paddle boat in the pond. And we didn't do nearly enough swimming. Or creek-walking (but there could never, ever be enough creek-walking in a summer). And we didn't go to the park nearly as much as we could have.

I wonder if most of the reason I'm not excited about fall this year is because fall is one season closer to December...and not that I mind December, in theory. In fact, I love Christmas...and decorating for Christmas...

but December means I'll have a THREE-year-old. AND a one-year-old. And no more babies!

And while part of me is greatly looking forward to that transition OUT of mothering this baby and into two toddlers who have slightly more flexible schedules...

another (big) part of me is wondering how it can possibly be fall. And just where exactly did these last eight and a half months (no, three years, really) go? And who gave them permission to go there so quickly?

And I remember the big changes between Z playing at the park a year ago in the fall, and when we were able to go back this spring and he could do so much more, and I think about how each of them will change over the winter, and all they'll each be able to do by spring, and I want fall (and time) to just STOP already! (or 'put it on pause', as Z would say)

Is anybody else just not ready for fall this year???

Perfection in a Moment

You know how before you had kids, you pictured parenting in a certain way? Like, maybe, all of your eager children gathered around you in the middle of your sunshiny living room floor, listening intently as you read book after book and expounded deep Biblical truths to them? ...or maybe not every one enters parenting with these high hopes and dreams. Maybe I'm the only one who pictured parenting as endless moments of joy instead of being realistic about the struggles that are mixed in daily.

Anyhow, I actually had one of those moments of perfection earlier this week (at Hubby's parents house). Z was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his chicken nuggets and salad (which he had requested, by the way), Natalie was sitting contentedly in her car seat next to us, and I sat down to play the piano. Z made some requests, so I played some different songs for him, including Onward, Christian Soldiers and Jesus Loves Me. Finally, it was time to get ready for church, so I told Z that we could sing Jesus Loves Me one more time, but only if he sang with me. I didn't expect much, as he's not usually keen on singing when someone else wants him to.

But I played the song, and Z sang along to all the words! It was perfect and beautiful - one of those elusive and wonderful parenting moments I've always dreamed of! :)

Then the next morning, Z somehow got a hold of a permanent marker and drew all over the piano keys! Thankfully, nail polish remover got it all off! So, back to real life with it's joys and struggles, right? :)

On Wanting and Waiting and Finally Having

Earlier this week, Z had a bad cough, and one night he woke up several times with it, calling for Mommy to come help him go back to sleep. At one point, in the middle of the night, as I sat on his bed, helping him to calm down, singing to him and rubbing his back, willing him to go back to sleep and basically wishing that I could sleep instead of cherishing the sweet moment, a far-off memory came back to me.

I have always wanted children, for as long as I can remember. I've been ready to have a baby since I was twelve years old. Okay, well, maybe not READY for that long...but you get the picture. After about a year and a half of marriage, I began to seriously, deeply long for God to bless us with a child - I just wanted to be a mother SO badly.

We had been married for almost two years when I began working at a daycare. During naptime, my job was to go around to each child as they were going to sleep and pat their backs to help them fall asleep. Some of them preferred their backs rubbed instead of patted, and one particularly high-strung little preschooler needed his face stroked, down from forehead to cheek, down the nose, down forehead to cheek again.

One day as I sat by his cot, stroking his face, willing the sandman to come, and smiling gently at him when his not-quite-sleepy-yet eyes would open, I was choked with tears, and I asked God, "How long, Lord? How long until it's my turn? When will I sit by my own child, and stroke their face as they fall asleep?"

And God smiled, because He knew. He had a perfect plan for me, and I couldn't see it, but He could.

Another long-forgotten memory came to my mind today. As Hubby and I were visiting the church we now attend one Sunday morning, another young couple was also visiting. At this time, we had been married almost three years, and the 'itch' was a full-blown aching desire, always present. Mother's Days were torture. Anyhow, the young couple sat down in front of us, with their preciously adorable baby boy (who will be FIVE this summer). They held him in their laps, and he looked over their shoulders. They gazed oh-so-sweetly at him, exchanged smiling looks with each other, and traded him back and forth during the service. I remember my now-friend looked so sweet, and I really wanted to talk to her after the service, but I was so envious of her gorgeous baby that I could not. Instead I had to retreat to the bathroom.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this today. It just came to my mind, and I haven't shared a lot about our journey to parenting that seemed so long and difficult at the time. But maybe my waiting and wanting, and the finally having, being blessed in God's perfect timing nearly five years after we were married, will encourage someone who is waiting and wanting today.

And if you're not waiting or wanting, but you know someone who is, or a young childless couple who might be, what can you do to encourage them? First of all, pray for them. Ask God to bless them in His perfect time, and to give them peace and faith in the waiting. And second, there are certain things that are better left unsaid, just in case, such as "When are YOU guys going to have kids, huh?" or "You guys are so lucky that you don't have kids to tie you down - I wish we were kidless again!" These things may be said only out of jest, or in love, but they still hurt.

And remember, as I am trying to, what God-given blessings our little ones truly are. There are so many who wish they were up nights with a screaming baby or pray that God will bless them with a contrary toddler to discipline.

Thank you, Lord, so much, for my babies. Thank you for answering my heart's cry in Your perfect time, and for the way you grew our faith in the waiting.

My Legacy

Zachary and I were discussing something, and I made the comment that he had used a big word.

"Oh, my WORD!", he replied...and then went on...

"Oh, my WORD, Chi-YULD, my PA-tience!"

and it was like looking at myself in a mirror. A little mirror, chock full of my attitudes and words.

Not pretty. (Rather like looking at oneself in a mirror 6 weeks after giving birth, but we won't go there.)

I was instantly ashamed that my child has obviously heard this phrase enough times to learn and repeat it.

And then I decided to lighten the mood by turning on some music, so I flipped my iPod to Nichole Nordeman. But God wasn't going to let me off that easy.

I immediately heard this song, about the legacy we leave. Here are the specific words that made me cry and turn to God in prayer:



I want to leave a legacy

How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough

To make a mark on things?



or did I talk constantly about my patience, and how thin it was?

Lord, help me to turn to You in times of frustration, and lean on You for patience and strength as I love my babies. Help me to be Christ to them, and to represent You in the way You would want to be represented. Remind me that through my attitude, each dirty dish and every dirty diaper can be a ministry to my family, and an opportunity to help my children know You more intimately.

He Calls Me Honey

You know your cooking is bad when...

"Want Mommy's pizza crust."
"Oh, honey, Mommy's pizza crust is too hard to eat, that's why Mommy isn't eating it."
"Want Mommy's pizza crust."
"Okay, but it's pretty hard."
(tries to take a bite) "Pretty hard..."
"Yes, I told you it was hard."
(tries again and succeeds) "There we go!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had one lone cracker left on the arm of the couch next to where I was nursing Natalie.
Z had several crackers left on the table next to him.
He took my cracker, and acted as if he was going to eat it.
"Oh, Zachary, you aren't going to eat my last cracker, are you? That will make Mommy sad!"
"Mommy cry!" (he loves when I fake-cry)
"Waaaa-hhaaaaaaa-aaaaa"
His face lights up, and he stuffs my cracker in his mouth. "Ate Mommy's last cracker!" he announces gleefully.
..."And it was good!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zachary has also taken to calling me 'honey' quite a lot of the time. Which I think is totally hilarious. He'll yell to me from the living room, "Want a cracker, honey!" in the exact same tone that I would say to him, "Put away the blocks now, honey." or "Leave that alone please, honey."

I think it's good that he picks up on the nice words that I say to him... :) Though, I've always been the kind of person who says those kind of 'sweet' words, even when I'm frustrated with someone. When my Hubby and I were first dating, my BIL used to laugh about how when Hubby & I would disagree on something, I'd say something like, "We'll discuss that later, sweetheart" or "Not right NOW, honey" though clenched teeth. So I guess the fact that he calls me honey does have to do with the fact that he hears it a lot, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he never frustrates me...I mean, come on, he's two. He frustrates me daily. We're actually really struggling with his discipline lately, and would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and consistency in this area of our parenting.

But, as a friend mentioned in a comment on my Facebook page, I am so grateful that children's memories are short. She tells me that he will remember the good times and not the frustrated moments. The moments where we enjoyed each other, and not the moments where I made him sit on his bed for five minutes while I hid in the bathroom because I wanted to scream. And I am thankful for this.

When I think about the kind of home I want to have, and the kind of childhood I want my children to remember, it is not a house filled with yelling, snapping, and grouching. It is a home filled with sunshine and laughter and music and giggles and, most of all, filled with the Spirit. And I need to keep in mind that it may be a dirty or cluttered house, but my children will not remember that, as long as the giggling and cuddling and loving get done each day.

Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today I felt unimaginable pain and immense joy.

Two years ago today my ‘mother bear’ instinct was activated, and has been on alert ever since.

Two years ago today, I worked the hardest I have ever physically worked at something for two hours.

Two years ago today, I met you, my unbelievably tiny son, and I thought you were beautiful and perfect even when you were bloody, wrinkled, cone-headed, purple, and screaming.

Two years ago today, I held you in my arms for the very first time, and could not believe that I was finally meeting you.

Two years ago today, I thought the need for 24M and 2T clothes seemed light years away.

Two years ago today, I named you, and then proceeded to call you by nicknames instead. I learned in the hospital that my favorite nickname for you was ‘precious’ and I still often call you that, two years later.

Two years ago today, I was surprised by the shock of blond hair you were born with. Today I was surprised to find half a jar of Vaseline smeared in that same hair.

Two years ago today, I had no way of imagining how much joy you would bring to my life. I had no way of knowing that these first two years would fly by and just putting up the Christmas tree would bring back floods of sweet newborn memories that seem to have happened only last month.

Two years ago today, my personal understanding of love deepened incomprehensibly.

I love you so much, my little Z. Happy 2nd birthday!!! It was so much fun to celebrate with you!

I Need Advice!!!

Today marked the end of our busy fall retreat season at camp - we closed it out with a wonderful Hobby Weekend - we had lots of scrapbookers, card-stampers, photographers, knitters, and a cross-stitcher. A lot of my MOPS friends were here for the retreat, so my great Hubby watched our little guy both evenings after dinner so that I could sit with them and make cards (and work on tot school projects!). I had a great, relaxing time, and the girl talk was a LOT of fun.

And now...four weeks and six days until our little girl joins us, and no more retreats during that time! Of course, Hubby will still have to work, but it will be normal work-week hours, and lots of family nights and weekends together! I have been so looking forward to this time together! We are celebrating by laying around and eating leftovers tonight. :)

Okay, moms, I need some advice. Zachary is going through a stage. I know, he's a toddler, right? He's supposed to go through stages. I know. But. This is an indecision stage, almost a power trip type thing, and I don't know what to do. Here's the situation: I say, "Z, do you want to wear your Elmo shoes or your Crocs today?" He says: "Crocs". Okay. I grab the Crocs. He says, "No, no, Elmo shoes." I look at him, and ask, "Elmo shoes? Are you sure?" and grab the Elmo shoes...as I'm putting them on him he begins to whine for his Crocs. And I say, "well, too bad, you chose your Elmo shoes. Let's go." Sometimes a tantrum ensues, and we both leave grouchy.

The worst is at bedtime and naptime - he has always liked to hug & cuddle before going down, and last week, we moved him into a toddler bed (which is going famously well, by the way, he's only woken up in the night twice since he's been in his big boy bed & he's napping great). Anyway, now that he's in there, he sometimes climbs right in without his hug, and so I remind him by asking, "Do you want a hug before night-night?" and he says yes, but then when I reach for him, he lays down and says, "Sleep in bed. Sleep in bed." and refuses to come to me for a hug - if I pick him up for his hug against his will, he resists me & struggles. So I tell him, "Mommy is leaving, and if I go out and close the door, you will not get a hug." Halfway out his door, he says to me, "Hug! Need a hug!" and I hate to deny him. So I go back in, and he does the laying down/refusing to hug thing again. So I leave. And he cries for a hug for 5 to 10 minutes, breaks my heart. At naptime, he did go down without a hug, but at bedtime, I went back in after about 5 minutes, because how can I deny my little guy a simple hug at bedtime? :(

So, here's my question: Is my toddler on a power trip, to see if he can control me? And should I deny him the right to change his mind even once...or deny him the hug after one chance and let him cry?

I am not the kind of parent who has to 'win' every battle, I think the relational part of parenting is so important, I don't want to withhold a loving security thing like a hug from my little man just so I can feel that I 'won' and he didn't. I guess what I'm asking is, "Is it really important for me to 'win' this battle? Or is it even a battle, or something else going on?" Seasoned moms, help me out here, please! I look forward to hearing your comments, oh wise readers! :)

A Legacy

This morning, the missionary speaker at our church told the following true story about his childhood:


'Every time our family would go to the post office, my father would pray, "Lord, let these letters bless the people they are intended for, and let us have safe travel to the post office, and let us meet someone who needs You."

Every time we went to the supermarket, my father would pause in the car and pray, "Lord, bless our finances, and help us to make wise decisions about how we spend our money, and let us meet someone who needs You."

Every time we would eat at a restaurant, my father would pray, "Lord, thank you for this opportunity to eat out as a family, and help us to have a good time of fellowship, and let us meet someone who needs You."

Every time we would visit a park, my father would pray, "Let us enjoy our time together, and let us meet someone who needs You."

I spent my childhood standing around at parks, in restaurants, supermarkets, and post offices, waiting and listening while my parents led people to the Lord. Because they asked.'

"Ask, and it shall be given unto you, seek and you shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you." -Matthew 7:7

What an AMAZING legacy was left to their children (at least two of whom are in full-time ministry). And THAT is what really matters.

Love Him Anyway

8 weeks from today, my little girl will be here!!! It seems like such a long time, but we still have so much to do in order to get Z's new room ready, and I am SO looking forward to organizing all of her sweet little clothes in her room, and adding a few pink accents here and there!

Zachary and I have been enjoying the fall weather as much as we can - I think the snow we had last week reminded me that fall won't be here forever, and soon it will be more difficult to get out - so we've been spending lots of time outside. We even had a picnic by the creek in our yard after MOPS on Tuesday morning.


I'm not sure if Z is starting his 'terrible twos' a few weeks early, or whether he's just showing the lack of discipline (because, really, I am NOT that great at discipline, I really struggle with consistency vs. laziness most of the time), but he has been a real challenge these last few days for me. He doesn't want his daddy, which makes me sad, sometimes he has been a real stinker for him, refusing to even go to Daddy and give him a hug sometimes. I know he loves his daddy, and he talks about him when he's not here and looks forward to him getting home, but he just gets this glint his eye and refuses to go over there. And he has been hitting/pinching/pulling my hair a lot again lately. I am really trying to teach him to obey the first time, but, oh, it is so HARD sometimes!!!

He's been saying a lot of funny things lately, just repeating things he's heard which are rather hilarious coming out of his little mouth. When struggling with something in the living room the other day, I overheard him exclaim, "Oh, Man! Oh, Boy! Oh, Guy!" :) Then, as we were walking home from camp another time, I was getting rather frustrated with the fact that my maternity pants ALREADY will NOT stay up (seriously, people, it is RIDICULOUS how often I am hiking them up. A couple people have suggested suspenders and I am rather open to the idea at this point - with 8 weeks to go, it should not be THIS bad yet!!!). Anyway, I uttered some exclamation like, "Oh, I am so TIRED of these PANTS, can't they just stay UP for goodness SAKE!". And the next thing I knew, he threw his little blond head back and yelled at the top of his lungs, "SAKES, Mommy's Pants, SAKES!!!". Which of course made me laugh hysterically in spite of the fact that my pants were around my knees. :)

And tonight as I was helping with some dishes in the camp kitchen, I realized I hadn't seen him for a few minutes, so I went around the corner, and there he was behind the baker's table. He had a measuring cup in his hand, and was scooping brown sugar out of a bin, and into the large mixer, one scoop at a time. I guess he was cooking. :)

And, oh, in spite of the fact that he knows how to push my buttons better than anyone else sometimes, and seems to enjoy when Mommy gets flustered and frustrated, how I love this little guy.

Saturday is officially the weirdest day of the week now. It used to be a busy day, filled with helping in the kitchen and all over camp while wearing Zachary on my back, and all such things. Now Z & I go to camp and eat with the staff for breakfast, and then we come home and do housework. If we are low on staff, sometimes we stay in the kitchen after meals to help out, or at least wipe the tables in the dining hall. But this weekend there are plenty of staff. And when we do stay to help, it's kind of a toss-up on whether it's actually helpful or not - you have to balance my helpfulness with Z's destruction to figure that out. :)

So today we ate breakfast at camp, played on the playground, came home & did housework, ate lunch at home and gave Z a nap, did more housework, and headed to the nearby town park around 5:00. We played there for over an hour and left when all the town's teenagers started to show up, guys and girls, hand in hand.

We only saw one other group of people while we were there. There was a pair of sisters, probably around 11 and 14, the older one with a boyfriend tagging along, and they were watching their nephew, who was just about Z's age. The older sister was more interested in the boyfriend than the little guy, though, and kept leaving him with her little sister, and then yelling bossy things like, 'Watch him! Don't let him fall off of there!' repeatedly across the playground.

After a little while, they were all near where Z & I were playing on a slide, and I overheard the 14-year-old girl say, "I want to have my own baby someday, I think. Like when I'm thirty." "Whoa, thirty?" the boyfriend asked. "Okay, yeah, maybe like twenty. 'Cause thirty's old", she replied. HA! I totally wanted to laugh, but I refrained. On the outside.

And then I loaded up my Mommy-mobile, complete with goldfish crackers, child-view mirror, car seat, and sippy cups, and came home and plucked some more gray hairs. :)

And thanked God that I made it past 14, and that 30 doesn't seem old any more.

Things I Have Said Today

This post by MckMama the other day was SO totally hilarious, I spent HOURS reading the comments, literally. And it inspired me to write my own. Now, mind you, this is just what's in the forefront of my mind because these are truly actual statements that I have said to my son in the last 24 hours or so! So here we go!


"Why don't we put the shape sorter DOWN before we flush the potty next time?"

"Please don't lick the mirror, honey, icky."

"Get out of the fridge."

"Oh, my goodness, don't bite the roll of raw sausage!!! It will make you sick!"

"No, you do not have a baby in your belly. No, Daddy does not have a baby in his belly. Only Mommy has a baby in her belly."

"No, we are not going to go outside right now, we have work to do inside the house today." (do you know how many times a day I say this one??? and we do actually go outside occasionally!)

"Please don't stick your hand in the potty...Okay, well, now your hand is dirty, and we have to wash it."

"Yes, your belly is very nice."

"Please don't put your head under the faucet. Yes, I see that your hair is wet now." (while doing dishes together)

"Wow, what a mess you have made!"

"Yes, Mommy is going pee-pee in the potty."

"Oh, my, are you alright? Well, let's not pull on the oven door anymore, and then it won't hit you in the head."

"No, we are not going to watch 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' on the computer right now. Mommy's working on her computer."

"Please take that out of your mouth and put it back in the garbage."

"Honey, put the remote down. It is not yours. No, take the remote out of your mouth and put it down."

"I see that there is a hole in the bottom of the toilet. But I do NOT want you to put your hand down there again. Now come here and let's wash our hands again."

"Thank you for wiping the milk spill up off the floor."

"Please take the dirty bowl off of your head."

"Please don't drink the dish rinse water."

"Don't eat your yogurt with your fingers. Don't you think your spoon would work better?"

"You are so funny."

"What is that in your hair?"

"Please do not put the rock in your mouth or your nose."

So, what's the craziest thing YOU'VE said today? :)



Also, we had a sort of exciting moment tonight - Z went pee-pee in the potty for the first time!!! We are nowhere near starting potty training yet, I just don't feel that he's ready (and I am definitely not), but I bought him a potty seat that goes right on the toilet, and he always asks to sit on it. Sometimes I let him sit on it during the day when he asks, and I usually put him on it for a few minutes before his bath. Tonight, before his bath, something happened for the first time! I think he was surprised, but, hey, it was a great first step! :) I was rather excited. :)

Snapshots of Today

This morning, I leave my son, strapped in his booster seat, seated at our long staff table in the dining hall filled with people, surrounded by caring staffers, with a biscuit in front of him, and I run into the kitchen to grab us some milk. It takes me a minute to pour his milk and mine, and as I walk across the filled room to our table, I suddenly see our speaker and our nurse RUN to my son's chair. And then my foggy mind begins to realize that I don't see my son's downy head in its usual place! His entire chair has tipped over backwards, and he is on the floor, in his seat, wind knocked out of him, in shock, not even crying yet. And I am running, in shock, not quite crying yet either, just wanting to get my boy and make sure he's okay. And the nurse & speaker are righting his chair and trying to free him from his safety buckles, and my mama bear instinct wants to push them out of the way and I just want to hold him before he recovers enough to be scared. And I hold him, and he cries, and we both take a minute to walk out on the deck, and cry, and recover from our morning spill. And we are both fine. No bumps, no concussion, nothing but yet another realization of how much I love this boy, and how I wouldn't know what to do without him.

Later in the morning, I am tidying my desk, and I realize that my son is quiet. I look over, and there is my little big boy, seated in a big-person-chair at the table in my office, quietly and calmly eating Froot Loops one at a time. I ask him what he is doing, and he replies, 'Nack.' Which, translated, means, "I'm having a snack, Mom." Not throwing handfuls of Froot Loops on the floor or flushing them down the toilet, not tipping the bowl over, or climbing recklessly onto the table. Just eating a snack. Sigh. Where did this big boy come from, and has anyone seen my baby? :)

After the craziness of a camp morning and lunchtime has been navigated, and the cleaning has been done, the relief of a quietly napping child settles in on my soul. I am seated at the computer, reading Twitter updates and drinking a Diet Root Beer. The Tiny one in my belly starts to kick furiously, and I remember that when Z was in my belly, he always 'liked' root beer, too. And this makes me happy.

Nearly Perfect

Our weekend was nearly perfect. Saturday began with a trip to town for our family, with a napping baby in the backseat, Hubby & I got to chat about our weeks and everything else. Then we came home, and Hubby headed for a nap, and Z & I headed outside. We walked in our nearby creek, threw countless rocks into said creek, splashed in mud puddles, and explored the camp's maintenance barn. Then we came inside for freezie-pops and a Smoothie, and went back out to enjoy the afternoon some more. Sunday was church, and in the afternoon, we managed to enjoy some pool time on the porch. The only part that WASN'T perfect, is the fact that Z fell off of his little slide on Saturday, and is now sporting a BIG scrape on his forehead. :(

When it came time for Monday morning registration, I was relaxed, and prepared, and ready. And it went smoothly. I managed not to stress out too much, for once, so that was positive. AND that was the LAST Monday morning youth camp registration of the summer - my LAST, since I'll be quitting in less than three weeks to stay home full-time!!!

Then I drove our babysitter home, and while backing out of her driveway, I just barely crashed into a trailer with a large piece of construction equipment on it. It just scratched the bumper of the car. So that put a little dent in my good Monday mood right there, especially having to tell my Hubby - I felt terrible, but he was very understanding. On a side note, when you're confessing something terrible to your Hubby like crashing the car, does anyone else have a really difficult time keeping a straight face??? I feel like such a dork, giggling as I'm describing the damage to the rear bumper of our car!

But the rest of the day went fine after all. Z spent the entire day with babysitters, playing outside around camp, so that's always a fun day for him.

Today, however, has been the aftermath of all that fun. Tantrum City. Wow. One of his tantrums this morning lasted twenty minutes. It began because I would not let him have a sucker. And continued when I put him in a chair for time-out. And when Daddy got him out of the chair. We were actually alternating between trying to help him, ignoring him, and laughing at him as he threw himself down on the floor and screamed. Because, what else can you do? Here's how I typically handle tantrums: I don't. I just say, "Z, I'm sorry, but you may not have a sucker right now. Throwing a tantrum is not acceptable." and then I go on with whatever I'm doing and ignore him. He usually stops within a minute or two once he realizes I'm ignoring him. But now, it is naptime. Oh, glorious naptime. :) Breathe a sigh of relief with me, will you??? :)

And then, breathe a prayer for Stellan, because he is again not doing well. I guess last night and today have been slightly better than yesterday was, but my heart just aches for MckMama and their whole family - I can't imagine the pain of watching your child's heart fail, and being able to do nothing about it. Updates can be found on twitter - from MckMama, and on her My Charming Kids blog.

My Child is My Responsibility.

Repeat after me: My Child is My Responsibility.

After talking with a friend today about her feelings towards the children's programs in her church, I was struck by a statement that she made. She does not think that her church has enough programs for her children, and her statement was this: 'My children are not being spiritually fed. Therefore, my church needs more children's programs.'

At the time, I knew her statement just didn't sit right with me, but I was busy with other things & couldn't articulate why I felt this way. After coming home, and spending a few minutes thinking about it, I realized that this is an attitude that I hear WAY too much of, in talking with many of my mom friends. There is a prevailing attitude today that my child is not my responsibility, but qualified others should take care of certain aspects of raising my child.

For example, how many mothers have you heard say, "I don't need to sit down with my preschooler and teach him/her to read, write, do math, etc. - that's what kindergarten's for. That's what teachers get paid to do." Maybe it isn't as common as I imagine, but I have heard it several times recently, and if you have heard this, do you agree with it? I wholeheartedly do NOT. Sure, teachers are paid to teach, and that is the purpose of schools, after all. But the ultimate responsibility for my child's education lies with my child's parents. Me and my spouse. NOT with the teacher. If my child is struggling with an area of his schoolwork, I need to be the one to figure out a plan - either to sit down with him myself and help him to understand the concepts, or to get him some tutoring in this area. It is MY responsibility. And if my child is gifted in a certain area, and bored with the work given to him by his teacher, I need to be the one to figure out solutions to the problem - to be proactive in finding and incorporating more appropriate work into my child's school day, instead of expecting the school to automatically provide extra programs to benefit my uniquely gifted child.

The same concept applies to our churches and our churches childrens' programs today. Sure, our churches would LOVE to help kids and teens grow spiritually through our ministries, and yes, that is our goal. But, again, it is not the church's ultimate responsibility to make sure our children are growing spiritually and to feed them daily with the Word of God. Just as with education, providing spiritual leadership is the parents' responsibility. This is not to say that children's programs do not have value, or even that I disagree with my friend's concerns about her churches' children's programs. We have a responsibility to make sure our children are being spiritually fed, and this starts (and ends) at home, and includes choosing a church which has programs that fit our family's needs.

Do you agree with me, or am I way off base? Also, is the attitude I'm presenting as prevalent as I imagine, or have you never heard anyone share statements like these? Tell me your thoughts!

What a Day It Has Been.

Today was quite a day. Half the time I felt like crying, and wow. Am I glad it's pretty much over.

I had an OB appt. at 1:00, so Z & I ate lunch & went early to see the ducks (by the little river outside the dr. office) - that was actually a big success, he liked them a lot! Our day went downhill from there.

Then we headed into my appointment, and waited 45 minutes (always fun with a toddler in tow), and then the dr. came in. The big goal today was to hear Tiniest's heartbeat with a Doppler radar. I am 14 weeks along now, so the dr. should be able to hear the heartbeat, but I am rather, ah, how shall I put this...well-padded in the abdominal area... anyway, the Doppler didn't work. The dr. said she could hear movement, but couldn't get a heartbeat. So I had to go to the hospital to have an ultrasound.

And, yeah, since I knew there was a possibility this would happen, and even coached myself about it on the way there, I wasn't freaking out AT ALL. I did not worry, or cry, or stress out over whether my baby was okay or not. Not one little bit. And, yeah, if you believe that, I have a beautiful bridge to sell you... :)

So, yeah, I was totally freaking out. And I had a good long time to stress out, too, because once we got to the ultrasound waiting room, we waited an HOUR AND A HALF. Tiny waiting room + 2 crochety old men + 1 other rather impatient largely pregnant woman +stressed out me for an hour and a half = not fun. We did meet a super brave 7-year-old with a broken arm, though, and he enjoyed playing with Z. :) The crochety old men, not so much. Z went up to them, and waved, and said, "Hello! Hi!" and they just grunted & put their noses back in their books. I hope I never forget how to play with a toddler! :(

Anyway...we finally went back to the ultrasound, and we got to see Tiniest!!! His/her heartbeat was GREAT -147, which is right where Z's always was, and he/she was moving his/her little arms & legs around - it was so neat! Babies are such a blessing, and wow, such a miracle!!! :) And this one part of the day, I am so grateful for!!! Just wish Hubby could've been there - it is always so cool to see the baby! :) I didn't ask what sex the baby was, if the tech could even tell, since Hubby wasn't there and all.

So after that good news, I was forced to take Z to the dreaded post office, site of many, many previously discussed parenting fails. Today I had to return something along with a bunch of packing peanuts, pack them into a new box while in the post office, and write the address on the box, and mail it. So I got my package all ready, and went up to the counter. And I had picked the wrong kind of box. So I went & got another box. And got the box ready again. And ten minutes later, I mailed it. Today my post-office parenting tactic was: nonexistent. Here's how it works: Let your child run wild around the post office the entire time you do your postal business and then pick up his mess and mayhem before you leave. This parenting tactic is always smiled on by other postal patrons. *ahem* NOT! But, seriously, I didn't even care by that point what other people thought. Z was safe, and really happy. One guy even stopped to pick up some of the envelopes Zachary was throwing around the room. Which was kind, but rather embarrassing. And when I was packing the 2nd box & dropped half the packing peanuts on the floor, I nearly bawled right there. And, yes, I only have one. And, yes I have a 2nd coming in December. And, no, I have NO IDEA how I'm ever going to go anywhere with both of them. Thank you for your concern. Prayers are always appreciated. :)

When we left the post office, Z had made a dirty diaper during all his mayhem-making. And of course I have NO CLUE where his wipes are, because of course they are not in the diaper bag (what a silly place for wipes). Thankfully I had an extra baby washcloth in the bag. *sigh* (Could've used the washcloth 10 minutes later after I let him eat a chocolate chip granola bar in a hot car. Smartest move of the day on my part.) Then some old guy almost hit me when I was backing out of the parking spot.

Then we STILL had to go to Wal-Mart. Z (who had missed his afternoon nap in all the hubbub) slept for approximately 10 minutes on the way there, and I had to wake him up to go in to the store. I knew I was in trouble when I was trying to wake him up, unbuckling his car seat, and I said, "Do you want to go to the store?" and he mumbled 'store' and instantly fell back asleep. He actually did fine, until we bought a ball, and he threw an enormous tantrum because I would not let him throw the ball down the aisle repeatedly, and I took it away. He really was screaming the entire time we were checking out. People were staring. Z is typically SO GOOD in public - he seriously never throws tantrums (except at home), so this was a rather embarrassing and unusual experience for me. And humbling.

Yeah, today was a humbling day. In so many ways. And I am SO glad it's over.

Post Office Parenting Fails

Because of my secretarial work at the camp, I often have to visit the local post office. And because I take my son to work with me, he gets to go to the post office, too. Visiting our tiny post office used to be a joy, because of our cheerful, friendly, knowledgeable postmaster, Cheryl. She was more than willing to help me with my endless bulk mailing questions, entertain my little Z while helping me check out, and I considered her a personal acquaintance, if not a friend. However, a little over a year ago, she quit her job. She was replaced by a man. A man who argues with customers, knows nothing about bulk mailings, and does not overly appreciate screaming children. As you can imagine, I was less than thrilled. And it seems like every time I have visited the post office since then, I have experienced a parenting fail of one kind or another.

#1 - Last winter, when I had to take Z to the post office with me, he always wanted to run around and get into everything - the trash, the plant, etc. So he had these mittens on strings that he wore under his winter coat. In a flash of 'brilliance', I thought I would stand on one of his mittens, and he would have a little radius to run around, but not enough to get into trouble. It worked really well for a few minutes. Then he tried to run away. And fell flat on his face. And screamed. And screamed. The new postmaster was NOT amused.

#2 - This one is not only a parenting fail, but also a BIG babywearing fail. The next time I took Z to the post office, I attempted to wear him in the ring sling, thinking he would love being held next to me and I would love having him contained. If we're not moving, though, while he's being worn, he tends to get bored. Which he did, within five minutes. And screamed until I took him out. It was a female post office employee helping us that day, and needless to say, she was not at all impressed by my sling!

#3 - This time I just gave in and let him run around. I figured maybe I'd get helped faster that way. :) I think he knocked every priority mail box in the store onto the ground, along with several flyers.

The last time we went, I buckled him in his little Pooh umbrella stroller while I took care of my business. It was not a fail at all, especially since I handed him a bright orange flyer to 'read'. I have since used this technique during two OB visits, and even while getting blood drawn. Although he did end up throwing his crackers on the floor and screaming bloody murder that time. But it isn't his fault that it takes Mommy's veins 15 minutes to make 9 vials of blood. Overall it is a good technique that works for me, especially if I let him stay hungry until we get to where we're going and then give him food while he sits in the stroller.

So...now that we've covered that...what parenting fails have you had lately? :)

What Kind of Parent are You? Long or Short?

As promised, here is a recap of the very convicting parenting message that our pastor preached this Sunday morning. I just was able to learn so much, and apply so much to my own life, that I feel burdened to share this message with all of you as well.

Our pastor started out by sharing that there are four things that typical parents, even typical Christian parents, work to ensure that their children have. These four things are: educational/intellectual development, health/physical development, economic well-being, and emotional fitness. There's nothing wrong with wanting these things for our children...the problem comes when we STOP with these four things, and ignore the MOST important aspect of our children's development - their spiritual maturity.

When we take the long view of parenting, it allows our children to be TRULY happy. We all want happiness for our children, of course- I think it's just natural for a parent to want our children to be happy. But, in the end, we do not control what happens to our children...God does (and what a sobering truth that is). When we train our children to seek after happiness at all costs, our children are not prepared for the hard times, and may react with bitterness when their lives do not go the way they planned. Lasting joy is a consequence of living life for GOD, and not for ourselves. Are we instilling this in our children through our attitudes towards the hard things in our lives each day?

When we take the long view of parenting, we give our children a reason to really live. Luke 10:27 was the passage for this point, and this verse reads, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' - these are the two most important commandments, according to Jesus. This verse sums up the total of ALL my child needs to accomplish in this life. Everything I teach them relates to God's purpose - every choice they (and I) make is either consistent or inconsistent with God's purpose for their (or my) life. This really hit home with me, because so often I am caught up in getting things done, hurrying through my day, keeping a 'clean' house, teaching my son about this and that, and how many of those things are TRULY important to God? Our culture & society today prides busy-ness & involvement in many things - but how many of these things really help our children learn to love God and love others? Another statement that our pastor made during this section that I just could not believe was this: It has been statistically proven that the greatest obstacle to people entering full-time vocational Christian ministry is Christian parents. Can you imagine??? Having been in ministry for our 6 1/2 years of marriage, I can think of no greater joy than to hear my little Z say, "Mommy, I want to be a pastor." Okay, admittedly, a foreign missionary would be harder...to watch him fly to Bangladesh, and not be able to hold my grandchildren very often? That would be hard. But if that's what God has planned for him, that would be the ONLY way my little boy would be truly happy. I loved this statement, too - "We need to remember that when we supply our child with life's true meaning, God will supply our child the MEANS for living." And, oh, how God has proved this to be SO true in my life through the years.

Finally, and, parents, this one's for us : When we take the long view of parenting, we ensure that we have no lasting regrets. I have been a mommy for only almost 18 months now, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to have no regrets about how I have raised my little Z. Not that he's turning out bad at age one or anything, he's such a good boy, but I can be so impatient...and when I see pictures of tiny newborn him, it's hard to feel anything but regret for all I missed during those first few weeks...all I can think about is how I struggled back then emotionally, and what a self-centered person (and parent) I was, and still can be. The way I raise my children affects me, too...not just them.

I'll close with the super-convicting statement that has been on my mind ever since our pastor spoke it on Sunday, and I have prayed through it ten times at least. "So many times we focus on 'surviving parenting', AS IF IT WERE ALL ABOUT US." Too many days, too many weeks, this describes me and my parenting goals: survival.

Lord, help me to focus on raising these children that you have entrusted me with in the way that honors you. Let me hold every decision up to the purpose that you have for my life and for my children's lives each day. Help me to trust you, and to allow you to live through me. Let me be Christ to my children today.

This post is paraphrased & quoted from Pastor Charles Colton's message, Why We Need to 'Go Long', shared at Panama Baptist Church on May 24, 2009.