Dearest Natalie,

I wanted to tell you about our day today. Not because it was a great day, but because maybe someday, when you're a mommy with children of your own (and yes, just writing that phrase made me cry a little), you'll need to know that we all have days like this from time to time. And hopefully you'll look back and remember that although some days are rough, we did survive, and found joy in every possible moment.

We went shopping in town this morning - me, you and Zachary. Zachary is two and a half, and you are six months old, by the way. :) Also, as a matter of background, you are a baby who LOVES your sleep. LOVES it. You sleep twelve hours at night, take two two-hour naps each day, and often another one-hour nap in the early evening. You only like to stay awake for about an hour and a half, MAXIMUM two hours at a time. Which is a wonderfully convenient schedule for us when we're at home, but when that two-hour-mark hits, and we're NOT at home, with your comfy crib nearby? Look out, world!

On to today's events. We went shopping. First, we went to K-Mart to get just a few things. I wore you in the wrap, and big brother Z rode in the cart, and we had a great time, picked out what we needed, quickly shopped the clearance, and checked out. As a reward for his good behavior, Z sat on a riding lawn mower by the entrance for a minute, and then we headed out to the car. You seemed a little bit fussy, so we took a break and I fed you in the car while Zachary ate some of his favorite cheesy crackers. You ate and burped and then you were happy, and tried to eat an envelope from the seat pocket and Z & I laughed with you for being so silly. :)

Then we drove to Wal-Mart, got some Subway and a small red ICEE for Z, because he asked so nicely (and also because it generally keeps him happy for 30 minutes or so while we're shopping). Again, I wore you in the stretchy wrap, and Z rode in the cart and happily slurped his red ICEE and even offered to share with Mommy! We had lots of items on our list, and we were having fun strolling through the store, chatting, singing silly songs, picking up what we needed, stopping to be admired by the other shoppers (you and Z, not so much me), choosing a million baby food jars...everything was going wonderfully. We finished our shopping and headed to the checkout line.

By this point, you were getting SO tired. I was bouncing you in the wrap, and 'shhh shhh shhh'ing you, and you were doing okay. But when I had to lean over repeatedly to put our purchases up onto the conveyer belt, you just lost it. You were crying loudly, inches from my face, while your brother was alternately taking items out of the cart, dropping them on the floor and then grabbing items off the checkout lane shelves, and absolutely everyone within earshot was staring at us. I felt so overwhelmed that I was literally reduced to tears in the checkout lane. Thankfully, once I stood up and resumed the bouncing, you managed to relax and quiet down a bit. And I was able to move the cart to the end of the lane, and remove your brother from the tempting lip glosses and candy bars.

And it took another sweet forever to check out, but we finally did. And we got in the car, and we came home. You slept in the car all the way home, and then went right down in your crib, and you're still sleeping. And your brother ate his lunch, and now he's sleeping in his bed. And the groceries are put away, and my lunch has been eaten, and I am sitting on the couch, breathing, and writing to you, my sweet daughter. So, we made it. Phew. I keep hoping these days will get fewer and farther between as you and Z get older, but so far, each time we go to Wal-mart, we seem to just surpass the craziness that our last trip entailed.

So, maybe someday, if you look at me and think that I'm a great mom who has it all together, and that surely I never had any days like you're having, you can read this and remember that EVERYBODY has imperfect, even horrible days!

And in spite of our morning, you are an absolutely precious blessing from God (and your brother is too), and I am utterly thankful that God has put you in my life and given me the privilege of raising you for His glory. I love you, sweet Natalie.

Love,

Your Sometimes-Frazzled Mommy :)

P.S. A special "I love you" to my precious Zachary, too! :)

Selfishness

Do you ever just want to scream at someone, "Why can't you ever think of anyone but yourself???"

I was suffering through a terrible mood yesterday. I was rather impatient with my little man. I blamed it on his constant disobedience (which is always made worse by my impatient frustration - it's like my muttering and huffing and puffing egg him on somehow). I blamed it on my 9-month-pregnant-enormous-belly, my uncomfortable hugeness, my sore back and hips, several nights of poor sleep, my LONG list of housework and baby-readying tasks.

And I had some thoughts like the one above. And I realized that what I was really thinking was, "Why can't everyone just think of ME instead of themselves?"

And I realized that, while thinking this, I was thinking, of course, only of myself.

When I focus on myself, and how others SHOULD be serving me or thinking of me, I'm miserable.

But when I focus on others instead of myself, and how to serve and please them, this leads to happiness.

For my whole family.

Because it is SO true that 'when Momma ain't happy, ain't NObody happy'.

Here's to happiness through selflessness. :)

Radical concept, right? You'd think maybe somebody would've written about this thousands of years ago or something...

Whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant.
For the first shall be last, and the last first.
-Mt. 20:27 & 20:16.

Pooh, Golf Carts, and Marriage

It was the summer of 2001. Hubby and I had been dating for almost two years, and in Bible College years, that's a LONG time for a couple to be together before getting engaged. And boy, did I know it. I REALLY wanted to be engaged.

Hubby is really good at surprising me- he always goes out of his way to let me know ahead of time that we just don't have the money/time/whatever for something right now, and I (of course) always respond kindly, "Oh, alright, honey, I completely understand." Ahem. Let's get back to reality. Anyway...after we discuss said item and decide together that we truly don't need it, he usually surprises me with it soon after our conversation (not EVERYTHING I want, just some things- didn't want you all to think I'm spoiled or anything *wink wink*).

So, back to that summer, 2001...Hubby's family was getting together for a 'family camp' at his grandparent's house in northern Iowa. He had driven all night from his home in Ohio to join his family for a few days, and he stopped to pick me up at my eastern Iowa home on the way. We were so glad to see each other in the middle of a difficult summer apart. However, he was completely exhausted by the time we got to his grandparents house. I encouraged him to go take a nap, but first he wanted to take a ride on his grandpa's golf cart around the countryside and exchange the gifts we had brought for each other. We used to exchange little gifts for our 'month-iversaries' of dating. Weren't we just so unbearably cute?

So he went and got the golf cart, and pulled his gift for me out of the trunk. It was a huge box. I was a little embarassed because my gift for him was in a little tiny box. I don't remember exactly what my gift was. Maybe a t-shirt? I think there was definitely a Broncos mini-koosh ball involved. Anyhoo, we rode down to the creek in the golf cart and exchanged gifts. He opened his first, and was appropriately pleased, I'm sure.

Then I opened mine. Let me preface this gift by saying that I LOVED (and still do love) Winnie the Pooh. Having said that, my gift was a huge stuffed Pooh bear that talked. It was holding a green velvety ring box, which I got all excited about. I opened the ring box, and inside was a key ring and a smiley face sticker. I was not thrilled. Note to any guys who may be reading: when your girlfriend REALLY wants to be engaged, it is NOT a fun joke to pretend to propose to her. Not funny. Okay? Now that we've got that settled...

Thankfully, I was not too grouchy about the joke, though, because next we noticed that Pooh wasn't talking like he was supposed to. So Hubby said, "Let's turn it over & look where the batteries go in. Maybe that will help." So we did. And inside the battery compartment was a beautiful gold-wrapped box that actually contained MY ring. And Hubby got down on one knee in the mud next to the golf cart and asked me to marry him. Through tears of joy, I agreed. Although I suppose you could've inferred that from the fact that I refer to him as 'hubby'.

So, yes, I got engaged on a golf cart, holding a large Winnie-the-Pooh while my hubby knelt in the mud to propose to me. When you put it that way, I guess it doesn't sound very romantic- but I suppose you would just have to know me. :) It was truly a moment to remember for the rest of our lives.

A few weeks ago, we should've celebrated nine years of being together- dating, engaged, married, what have you all combined. Except we both totally forgot about it and just realized it the other day. So happy belated nine years together, hubby! :) And hope we will celebrate MANY more in the future! I love you! :)