Crying to Sleep Works for Me

Well, not me. My baby.


This is a fairly controversial topic, I know. If Dr. Sears and his 'attachment parenting' philosophies were to read this post, he would probably disapprove. But I'm going to go out on the proverbial limb here and say that it is GOOD for babies to cry themselves to sleep. Not FUN for the mommy. But GOOD. Just like vegetables. Let me tell you about my recent learning experience with letting my son (now nine months old) cry himself to sleep. Keep in mind that every baby is different, and since I only have one so far, this whole idea is based on my single just-nine-month experience in baby-rearing.


After I had Z, we had help here for the first two and a half weeks or so. My parents were here for a week, and then Hubby's parents were here for a little over a week. It was wonderful. I got sleep, and baths, and food prepared for me, and Z got held & loved on constantly. He was hardly ever allowed to cry for more than 30 seconds without being picked up. I actually didn't know that babies have to learn to lay by themselves sometimes, and I thought that parents were supposed to pick them up anytime they made a peep. Anyway, after our parents left, I was trying to hold Z constantly, and get things done around the house, and get some sleep occasionally...and I was exhausted and totally overwhelmed. Of course, that's normal for those first couple months, but really. It was terrible. At night, Hubby and I would take shifts. Z would eat, then he would get changed, and then he would need to be held until he drifted off to sleep. Sometimes he needed to be held for between twenty minutes and an hour. And then, if you THOUGHT he was all the way asleep, but he really wasn't quite ALL the way out, when you put him down in his car seat (where he slept for about the first seven weeks of his life), he would wake up and cry, and then you had to start ALL over again with the sitting and holding and waiting and watching his eyelids to see if they were still twitching.


So, at his one-month appointment, we asked the doctor about putting him down in his bed and letting him cry himself to sleep. And our doctor said that we should start that sooner rather than later. But then we went on vacation to see our families, and by the time we got home, he was about 6 weeks old. So we started putting him down in his bed. And letting him cry himself to sleep. For about two nights, it was pure torture (for all of us). We used the Ferber Method, where you go in every few minutes to check on them and let them know you're still there. At some point during these two days, we read somewhere that sometimes babies like to have their crib mattresses elevated, so we put some books under one end of the mattress, and that night, there was hardly any crying. He woke up in the night, ate, and then we would put him back down and he would cry a little and then go back to sleep. It was wonderful. Best thing we ever did.


THEN. A few weeks later, he started screaming, refusing to eat, waking in the night screaming...etc. The dr. said he had acid reflux, so we put him on Prevacid. Two weeks later, it hadn't worked. I remember one night in particular, he was up every half hour. All night. Hubby & I took turns sleeping on his floor, so we could just get up and put his binky back in when he cried. Two more weeks later, after that much time on Axid, he was doing MUCH better. But he was still crying at night. Hmmm...maybe because now he was used to us going to him at his first peep again??? So since we knew he wasn't in pain anymore, we decided to start letting him cry to sleep (and cry back to sleep) once again. And again, within two nights, he was back to being put down, crying for just a couple of minutes, and drifting off to sleep on his own. Shortly after this (around the time he turned four months old), he started sleeping through the night, and other than a few nights here and there (maybe one every two weeks or so) and when he's sick, he still routinely sleeps through the night. Now he is so good at putting himself to sleep that he hardly ever even cries. He just plays in his bed for a few minutes, and then all of a sudden, all is quiet, and he's asleep.


To hear him cry, even for a few minutes before a nap, is still hard, but for us, it's just so necessary. Now he knows how to put himself to sleep (and back to sleep in the middle of the night), which is an important skill. And I think he sleeps better because of it. And I know Hubby and I do.


I know everyone has their own opinions and perspectives about this issue, but for us, We just have to let our baby cry himself to sleep, because it works for us! Make sure to check out other Works-for-Me-Wednesday tips over at Shannon's place!

Ministry

In the last nine months, and even the nine months before that, my ministry has changed dramatically. Before I was pregnant, I poured all of myself- my time, my energy, my life- into camp- weekend retreats, summer camp, and anything in between that needed to be done.

Now, I have a little person depending on me to get him his food, naps, baths, diaper changes, and everything else on a schedule that keeps him secure and happy. I'm still able to help out at camp, working in the office, and assisting with the kitchen during retreats, but not nearly as faithfully as I was once able to.

Tonight, for example, I sat feeding little Z his chicken/squash/cereal delight while everyone else ran around frantically plating brownies, cooking pizzas, and setting out salad bar items. And I regretted not being able to do as much as I'd like to help out.

But as I sat there, being covered in a fine mist of cereal and squash, I realized that my most important ministry of all is to this two-foot-tall little fountain of pureed food (and his daddy). When my two ministries cooperate, and I can wear Z on my back while serving pizza for dinner, that's great. But when these worlds collide, Z has to come first. And I pray that I will never feel guilty or regretful about that.

Bottle Strike! Help!

My son is a picky eater. Well, only as far as milk goes. He will eat any kind of cereal, fruit or vegetables I throw at him. Not that I throw things at him...but I digress...

He's 8 months old. He'll be 9 months on Friday.

When he was first born, he would only eat from a bottle. He wouldn't nurse for six weeks. But I hung in there, reviewing the costly nature of formula and all the arguments for mother's milk in my mind every day...and pumped (and pumped and pumped) and finally, at six weeks old, he decided that it would be okay to nurse.

So then everything was grand for a few months...he would take a bottle if I wasn't there, I could leave him in the nursery or with a babysitter, and if I was home, he would nurse, and it just worked out perfectly.

And then this summer, we got busy with camp, and I just nursed him, and didn't think about giving him a bottle because I was always with him... and then all of a sudden, he's 8 months old, and he will NOT take a bottle. Or a sippy cup of mother's milk. I can get him to drink about an ounce of formula out of a sippy cup, but he thinks it's gross, and that wouldn't be enough to keep him happy with a sitter for a few hours anyway.

So...does anyone have ANY tips on getting him to take a sippy cup or bottle? It's not a big deal to just nurse him most of the time, but I would like to start weaning him off of a couple of his nursings here in the next couple of months...and if he won't take milk from a sippy cup or bottle, I won't be able to do that! Help!!! :)

To see the dilemmas that other people are asking for help with, head on over to Shannon's place for the Dilemma edition of Works for Me Wednesday.

Edited To Add (4/09): I notice a lot of people are finding this post through Google searches, and if you're here looking for help, please read the comments - there are SO many great tips there! If you've already tried everything, and your child will NOT take a bottle...well, what ended up working for us is that I just stopped trying with the bottle/sippy cup & nursed him exclusively, until I started introducing whole milk along with the nursing, at 11 months, weaning him at 12 months. I know 6 months sounds like a long time to never be away from your little one, but, oh, it goes SO fast. I look back now & wish I'd even nursed longer. :) So hang in there, moms, and SOMETHING will work out. :)

Happy Labor Day! :)

In honor of Labor Day, Shannon is hosting a little carnival about labor! :) If you want to play along, just head on over to her post and join up!

How long was your labor?

22 hours total, about 15.5 hours active.

How did you know you were in labor?

I didn't. I thought my water had broken, headed to the hospital, they said it hadn't, but when they were checking me out, my blood pressure dropped & little Z's heart rate dropped, and they had to give me oxygen, and so they kept us overnight in the hospital. At 3 am, I noticed I was having little contractions every 10 or so minutes, and at 4 am, my water broke.

Where did you deliver?

In the afore-mentioned hospital.

Drugs?

Oh, yes. I wanted a natural (med-free) childbirth, but after pitocin, and several hours of back labor, I asked for Nubain, got it, it helped for a while, then wore off...and then I asked for an epidural. More than an HOUR (and several complaints through gritted teeth from me to Joel) later, it finally arrived.


C-section?

Thankfully, no. Because Z's little heart rate dropped at two different times, they had me all prepped just in case he couldn't withstand the contrations, but he made it through just fine.

We actually didn't realize how close I was to having a C, until after Z was born, Hubby went to get him from the nursery & heard one of the workers say, "Oh, that's the one that almost had to have a C-section."

Who delivered?

Dr. So.

First Kiss

Dearest Z,

The first time I kissed you, I was exhausted. I was sweaty. I was in pain. You were red, and screaming, and covered in nastiness. You were wrapped in a blanket, and the nurse lifted you to my face so that I could meet you and kiss you before you had to get dried off.

We have a video of this momentous first kiss. However, it's not 'share-able' because in the background you can very nearly see my doctor and several nurses working diligently to repair the damage to my baby-delivering region. But I enjoy watching it over and over and just remembering that amazing moment. As the nurse brought you to my sweaty, tear-filled face, I kissed your forehead and said in a wobbly voice, as the nurse began to lift you away, "Oh, Zachary, I love you so much". And I do.

I have kissed you hundreds of times in the eight months since that video was taken. And each time, I drink in the scent of your baby shampoo and nuzzle my nose in your silky white-blond hair and the soft smooth skin of your neck, and I thank God that He entrusted you to us. And that He allows me to have the privelege of being your mommy each day. What a blessing you are to us, little Z! Your daddy and I are so thankful for you, and we love you so much!

Love,

Mommy :)

This post was written for Scribbit's August contest entitled 'First Kiss'.

Linky Goodness

Want to read something profound, moving, and so true? Then why did you come here? :) No, seriously, head on over to this post on Shannon's blog, and enjoy. :)

Seasons Change

Here in western New York state, especially in our snowy little valley, our seasons are a little bit messed up. Summer lasts only from the end of June to the middle of August, and then fall hits. Even now, some trees and bushes' leaves are starting to turn in anticipation of the upcoming fall season. Fall will last until the middle of October, and then the snow will begin, usually in the end of October or beginning of November. Although fall is a gorgeous season in these foothills, it is a little bittersweet, because it reminds us that the snows are coming. We can usually count on having snow from November through the middle of March. And then in the beginning of April, spring slowly blossoms and lasts through June.


Last year, the fall was a season filled with anticipation as I was GREAT with child, and resembled a pumpkin ripe for the picking. The winter began with a bang as our little Z entered our lives December 5th, and then I went through a dark, shadowy time of exhaustion and overwhelmed-ness, feeling my way through the first weeks and months of parenting. I usually don't mind the snow, but being shut in the house with an often-screaming newborn was a difficult experience. And then, slowly, as spring always comes, an attitude of joy and peace began to blossom in my heart and, subsequently, in our home. I emerged from the fog of exhaustion and self-pity and chose to enjoy my little man. And this spring and summer have truly been a time of joy and love and fun for our family. Although we have been busy with summer camp, we have found joy in each moment.


And now I see the leaves beginning to change, and it is bittersweet for me, because every day brings me closer to my little boy's first birthday. When he won't be a baby anymore, but a toddler. While I am looking forward to the changes that I will surely see in my little man throughout this fall and winter (crawling, walking, running, talking, eating real food, etc.), it reminds me that the time goes all too fast. And it is teaching me that when God gives us a 'next time', I will vow to cherish every moment. Every 3am feeding. Every screaming fit that can only be calmed by walking up and down the hallway, singing 'Amazing Grace' until my throat is hoarse. Every tiny smile and every squeaky giggle.



I love you, little man. More every day.

Don't Poke the Baby!!!

This week was our first week of junior/junior high age kids at camp (going into 3rd grade-8th grade). I was definitely not prepared for the kids reaction to my baby. Up until now, we've had families & senior highers. Who thought Z was cute, but they also knew or had been taught the appropriate way to adore a baby. And not poke him.

Oh, yes, my little man has been poked, prodded, kissed, generally adored, and called all kinds of things this week. Yesterday afternoon, one little girl tried to stick her finger in his mouth to see his teeth. Thankfully, I got him away in time!

One evening, as I was leaving with Z in his stroller, a girls' cabin group was all gathered around him, oohing, aahing, poking, adoring...and one of the girls said "Oh, his fuzzy blond hair is so cute. He looks like a fuzzy monkey. Hey, widdle fuzzy monkey..." At which point all the rest of the girls looked at me to see if I would be mad that this girl just called my baby a monkey. I wasn't. It's better than him being called 'It', which also happened this week. "Oh, look at the baby. It's so cute. It's looking at me." It? Really?

There were also a couple little boys that would come up to me at random intervals during the week and say, "Whoa. That's a BIG baby. How old is he?" It was so funny. Like how little are babies supposed to be? I mean, come on, he's at like the 30th percentile for height AND weight, people! I can't keep him any littler! :)

I took him 'swimming' in the pond for the first time this week. It did not go swimmingly. Pardon the pun. Every time his feet would touch the (admittedly) cold water, he would cry. So then these two boys decided he just needed to be splashed. He did not appreciate the sentiment. And he cried. Every time they splashed him. So they finally stopped and decided to dance around and see if their antics would amuse him. They did not. We finally left after about 20 minutes of me standing in the water, holding him, and Z holding his feet up OUT of the water. Fun times. Maybe next year. (sigh)

So, I don't want to be rude to the campers, but really, do I say something, like, "Um, it's not really polite to poke someone else's baby..."? Or am I just being paranoid because, hello, 'first-time mom syndrome' and all. What would YOU do???

Summertime

When you work and live in the camping ministry, your summers don't consist of lazy days lounging by the pool or relaxing in air-conditioned comfort. You don't get July 4th off to enjoy picnics with friends or fireworks by the lake. I admit, sometimes I'm just a wee bit envious of people who get to spend their summers with their families this way. But I'm not complaining...because our summer is made up of...

the sound of kids laughing and joking together as they head back to their cabins

the smell and crackle of the campfire as kids and families alike share how their lives have been changed over the last five days

afternoons at the pond, watching people get launched off of the Blob and listening to kids shout or scream as they come down the waterslide

the sound of voices being lifted up together to praise God in the chapel

three deliciously home-cooked meals per day, personally delivered by none other than my heroes, the Kitchen Staff.

uproarious laughter following some pretty dumb jokes or stunts (especially during junior high weeks)

sixteen-hour work days for some of the staff (twenty-four hour days for the counselors!)

tears at the amazing ways God works in campers' lives each week, as they get up in front of everyone on Saturday morning and make a public commitment to live for God

competitive shouts echoing across the camp as the kids play frequent camp games

hours of quality time with the t-shirt press (thankfully, I have an assistant this year- you're awesome, Jill!!)

the inevitable homesick campers

a sense of purpose as we realize we're fulfilling the ministry God has given us each day

relief as an exhausting summer camp season draws to a close

sadness as our fellow staff members, who we have grown closer to than we could have ever imagined, take off to lead their own separate lives again

The Most UN-Scientific Recipe Ever

Warning: if you are methodical, or like to know the exact amounts of ingredients to put in your recipes, you will probably get disgusted with the way I am sharing this recipe. If you are like me and just like to throw things together by look and taste (probably also the kind of person who gets somewhere by landmarks rather than by road signs), forge ahead and enjoy!


Chicken with Stewed Tomatoes & Mushrooms


This recipe sounds wierd, but is actually delicious. Think chicken with spaghetti sauce...sort of...but chunkier. I suppose this recipe is probably only going to be enjoyed by people who like tomatoes & mushrooms. But we love it, and it's SO easy. And it's so versatile- if you can find chicken, any kind of tomatoes & mushrooms in your cupboards (well, hopefully the chicken's in the fridge), you can make this recipe.



Ingredients- Oil, Chicken, Stewed Tomatoes, Mushrooms, Italian Seasoning (sometimes).



Incredibly Ambiguous & Possibly Confusing Directions:


Put some oil in your skillet. (Such scientific measurements, I know)


Brown your chicken (I use boneless, skinless chicken breasts, but you could use diced chicken or whatever you like) Anyway- brown it in the oil for 5 minutes per side, or until the meat is white on the outside with some browning on each side.


Then add some stewed tomatoes. I stew & can my own with oregano & garlic salt, but the store-canned version should work just fine, too, although you may want to add some extra Italian seasoning, especially if you only have un-seasoned tomatoes on hand. Fresh tomatoes will work, too, if you add Italian seasoning and a little extra water, and just make sure you simmer them in the pan until they're soft.


At this point, also add your can of mushrooms. (I use one can for three chicken breasts.) As far as the amount of chicken & mushrooms you use, it just depends how many you want to have left to eat with your chicken, or if you want to put them on rice on the side.


After you've added your tomatoes & mushrooms, put a lid on your skillet, and let it simmer on medium-high heat for about 20 minutes. Check it every few minutes, to flip the chicken so it gets done all the way through, and also to make sure your stewed tomatoes aren't losing all their water- you may need to add water if this happens.


When your chicken's done all the way through, your recipe's done! I like to serve this with a baked or mashed potato, or with rice. If you try this recipe, let me know how it turns out! Need an easy recipe with five ingredients or less? Check out Shannon's place for more great ideas that work for us!